Blue Candy

하늘도 참 무심하시지.
그 말의 적절한 때를 알고 싶진 않았는데 말입니다.

참 무심하군요.




In these days, very tough things happened in S.Korea. I just wanted me to pass these things, but I couldn't help me thinking about that and I felt terrible. Well, actually, I'm not so sad as I concerned. I know cause, before it happened, ...the previous president Roh's death happened. At that time, I just cried every each day, and it was just like a terrible nightmare.

I didn't know why I cried exactly. I just felt sorry, cause I thought Roh's life was too tough to keep going on. I had had a little questions about Roh's way, cause the media of S.Korea had hurted Roh's life so much more, and at the end I just douted his words... After Roh's death, I counldn't forgive me, even if I had no relationship with him privately, because I didn't believe his sincerity and innocence.

Well, I know it is very different with other countries, especially western culture and maybe with the people of S.Korea. I thought I had a little cause of Roh's death, because he was the president of my country, and the people of this country made him a president including my parents, and I knew that out parties and media didn't like Roh, cause when he decided something, he always took the position of the weak. 

I had to vote the president of this country at the winter of 2007. Then, maybe this tragedy couldn't happened in this summer. I had to block making inappropriate someone be the president of my country. That's why I felt sorry about Roh's death, and I said I felt a guilty of his death.

Frankly, I don't know anything of D.J., but I know Roh thought him as his father at politics. ...and I also know D.J. saved S.Korea such a tragic economic bankruptcy that could remove S.Korea in the world. ...He was a greatest pacifist, and he got a Nobel prize for peace. He forgave everyone who opposed him and even wanted him to be killed. What can I say?

Yeah, the people just believed what the media of S.Korea said, and the media just followed who gave them power. Then, they just blamed Roh and D.J. about even that they didn't and they got deceived again who wanted the people to pressure. Now, I don't know anymore that I should have a pity for the people. Should I? All I can do is just laughing at their fool choices.

Also, I can't avoid laughing at me, cause I regretted I should have voted the election. I should have that. Whatever I say, that is just an excuse with no needs.

I just felt sorrow for my presidents, my country, and everything.

오늘, 소식을 처음 접하고, 도대체 무슨 일인가, 하며 계속해서 기사를 찾았습니다.
도대체 믿을 수가 없어서, 도대체 이해가 되지 않았고, 이게 뭐지... 이게 뭐야...

사실 그 분이 임기에 계실 때 저는 정치에 아무 관심이 없었습니다.
탄행 당하실 때 국회의원들 보며 저것들 또 지들 밥줄때문에 저러는 구나 그랬네요.
선생님들이 참 좋은 분인데 말을 너무 직설적으로 하는 것 같다 그럴 때도 그렇구나 했네요.
정말로, 정말. 정치에 아무 관심이 없었습니다.

하지만 제가 그 관심이 없는 걸 처음으로 후회한 일은 이번 대통령 선거때였습니다.
부재자신고니 뭐니 핑계는 많지만, 어쨌든 성심껏 임하지 않은 결과에 저는 할 말이 없습니다.

제가 있는 곳은 여전히 일상이 흐릅니다.
사람들은 오늘 무슨 일을 할지, 학교에서 무슨 일이 있었는지, 웃음소리, 장난치는 소리, 차 소리, 오토바이 소리, 아이가 우는 소리, 소리들...

그리고 현실은 여전히 참혹합니다.
책임을 묻고, 책임을 따지고, 진실을 숨기고, 거짓을 포장하고, 여전히 폭력이 존재하고. 그렇고...


아무래도 좋으니 그 분이 책임을 져야 한다는 따위의 말씀은 삼가하세요.
뭐래도 상관없으니 당신 땅의 땅값 떨어져서 싫었는데 잘 됐다 따위의 말은 하지 마세요.
이젠 됐으니 뭐하러 돌아가셨느니 이런 말은 그만두세요.
지긋지긋하니 사람 하나 죽은 일로 왜 그리 호들갑이냐 라는 말을 제발 닥치세요.

정치에 관심없든 있는 더는 가신 분을 욕되게 하지 마세요.
성향이 어떻든 제게 당신의 가치관을 설명하려 하지도 마세요.



현실은 저의 죄값입니다.
제가 무심했고, 제가 무시했고, 제가 버렸습니다.

그 분께는 국민 밖에 없었고,
국민은 그를 버렸습니다.


어른들 앞에선 아무렇지 않은 척 해야하는 현실로 돌아가려니 너무 힘들고 괴롭네요.
같이 슬퍼해달란 말이 아니라.
그저, 아무말도 하지 말아주세요.
그게 제게는 차라리 위안입니다.



삼가 고인의 명복을 빕니다.




추신.

His death wasn't mean to accept his guilty. The trial of him was almost going to be innocence and the prosecution of South Korea didn't prove about anything of his guilty. Moreover, the government of S Korea haven't allowed to visit the funeral address of Roh's where it is around city hall of Jong Ro Street, and many people can't believe this annoying situation. Also, they mourn his decease including me because he was the president like a friend to people of S Korea.

BBC에 보낸 코멘트입니다. 가시는 길 더럽혀지지 않길 바랍니다.